363

It's been quite a while since I last visited you.
But I felt like a part of me was missing. Haha. Not really.
But it kinda feels good to be writing my messy life on here.
And the fact that no one probably reads my blog anymore makes it even better.
I can just rant on and on for as long as I please..

A lot has happened since I last blogged.
A LOT of things.
My life has gone out of control and in a downward spiral.
I've only realized this just recently and am now trying desperately to revive
it and bring it the splendor it was before. I regret even getting into all this
mess. Sure its fun. But every weekend? Multiple times a week? for THREE MONTHS?
Craziness.
I don't know what had gotten in me.
But February definitely was not a good month.
Terrible.
Very emotionally draining.
I guess that's why I was like fuck it and decided to go crazy in March.
March was fun.
I don't really remember what happened in March.
I wonder why I would do that.
Now that April has hit, graduation is less than two months away.
My grades are alright. But I need to bring my physics grade up.
Everything else will most likely be an A or a B by the end of this semester which is fine.
Detentions, serve/clear them.
Community service hours? Almost done
WEE hours? Mrs. Holm. And I only need 10 more.

Visited UCSD this past weekend. The campus is amazing. And HUGE. Like literally huge. It has six colleges on the campus, medical center/medical school. multiple parking structures.. crazy. If I had to compare it to something its probably like LLA/LLE + LLU + some more. Although I went by myself I had a good time. It made me really excited about going there for school next year. Sunny socal, minutes from the beach, surfing excursions, rock climbing gym 15 minutes from the school, great people, awesome food, RUBIO's on campus = fish taco tuesdays = ME FAT. The dorms are really nice too. Co-ed with guys on one floor, girls on the other. Each of the rooms is connected to a central hub/lobby. Each floor has a kitchen. Shared Bathrooms. Pretty nice.

I've pretty much wasted my life away these past few months..
Didn't even do much climbing..
Did nothing..
So stupid.
SO pissed about that.

School is more lonely than ever. I feel like everyone hates me for some reason. I feel like all the teachers hate me. I swear if it wasn't for Hannah, I probably would never go to school anymore. Having no friends at school is really painful. I have a hard time figuring out whether I'm more lonely at home by myself, or at school surrounded by all those people.

Thanks Hannah for being such a great friend to me. You've been everything to me these past few months. You've helped me through a lot of hard times and just supported me. And was just there for me, even to just listen and I really appreciate that. Even though we didn't talk too much last year for whatever reason, when I started talking to you again this year I was glad to know that our friendship didn't change. You are one of the greatest friends I have ever had and I will cherish the memories we've had. Thanks so much. You're like a little sister to me. You have no idea how grateful I am for you and how much you mean to me. Love you.

Thresh fam.. Including Greg haha. Sad that I consider Greg a Threshold person rather than a school person? not really. Because he is. And so am I. My true life is at Thresh. Anyways. I love all of you guys to death. Its amazing how close we've all gotten so quick. Back in the summer we were all strangers but now we're a close knit family that has each other's backs and cares and looks out for each other. I'm really glad to have met all of you. You guys have changed my life, literally, whether good or bad I won't even consider because when all is said and done, I believe I've changed for the better. You guys mean so much to me. All of you guys. Aaron, Brandon, Bern, Tony, Tofu, Greg, Ashton, Peter, Heather, Matt, Ronan, JD, and whomever I might be forgetting right now.

Tofu.. You have been my closest friend this year. Its crazy how close we became. I don't even remember how it all happened. I think it started with Team Flux during the summer, me you, greg, kirsten and ed. I love you so much bro and don't know what I'd do without you. You know I have your back and I know you have mine. You've helped me a lot. And I hope I helped you a lot as well. Even the small things you do for me, I really appreciate it. Thanks. Lightning and Thunder. And many more of our inside jokes. Love you bro..

uhhh... idk..
I need to let all this stuff out somewhere. Too much to talk to someone about. It'll take forever.

hmmm..what else.

Shasta you are amazingly beautiful and gorgeous. I really hope you find someone good for yourself. Because you truly deserve the best. I really miss seeing you around at school and talking to you. I really miss your bright and cheery smile and attitude you always carried. Just keep smiling my darling.

Well I'm not tired at all right now..
Play some video games until I knock out.
FFVI :)
so much fun replaying it. for like the 4th time..
Good night.

Much Love.

Peace