365

It's been a while. But I guess I really can't quit writing here. I don't understand Tumblr. and because no one probably reads this anymore I have solitude. Just read through a few of my old posts again. I sound pretty depressed haha. Sad to say I'm not much better since then. My grades were terrible this quarter. Pledging was one of the worst things I've ever done and I'm still not sure if it was a good decision to join a fraternity. I'll probably be on academic probation for this quarter and probably next. I really need to step it up. What happened to my attitude about not messing around anymore? I guess I took it too lightly. I'm not as good or smart as I thought I was. I just didn't put in enough time. I can make excuses all day about why I did so terrible. But the truth is that none of those excuses are going to make a difference. It's already been done. I just have to move on. Really wish I could have started out a lot stronger than this. Now I'm just gonna have to work even harder. but that's fine. because it seems like I always have to make things harder on myself.

I have so many things to say to you. I just don't understand the mentality you had. Those are not things you do to your brother. Not even to a friend. What you did is just something totally fucked up. I thought you had changed your ways but apparently it's too much to ask for. I can never look at you the same. Your kids are no longer my friends. You are no longer part of my family in my eyes. My father may forgive you to a certain extent. And I forgive you too. But you will never be able to get rid of this anger and resentment I hold against you. Never. Even in death. I hope that you find a better life and quit flaunting the things you bought with my father's money and his name. You earned nothing you deserved.

Every time. I swear. Every time that I see you. My feelings are something that I cannot describe nor can I put a hold on exactly what I feel. But it is a peculiar reaction.

365.
365 blog posts. over I believe 3 or 4 years. crazy. good bye for now. I will probably be back.

I don't know when. but. I will be back.

3 Hundred Sixty 4

Tired.
Looking forward to leaving.
Can't believe I decided to write on this again haha. It's been a long time.
Many things have changed.
I've met many people.
I've forgotten many people.
I haven't seen many people.
But it doesn't matter.
Everything happens for a reason.
And the people that I've lost,
if I'm meant to still have them,
then there will be a time when I will realize I need them back.
Loma Linda is behind me.
Time to start a new chapter in my life.
A new step forward.
To adulthood. and living life for what it is.
No more messing around.
I miss you.

Laters gee

Peace.

363

It's been quite a while since I last visited you.
But I felt like a part of me was missing. Haha. Not really.
But it kinda feels good to be writing my messy life on here.
And the fact that no one probably reads my blog anymore makes it even better.
I can just rant on and on for as long as I please..

A lot has happened since I last blogged.
A LOT of things.
My life has gone out of control and in a downward spiral.
I've only realized this just recently and am now trying desperately to revive
it and bring it the splendor it was before. I regret even getting into all this
mess. Sure its fun. But every weekend? Multiple times a week? for THREE MONTHS?
Craziness.
I don't know what had gotten in me.
But February definitely was not a good month.
Terrible.
Very emotionally draining.
I guess that's why I was like fuck it and decided to go crazy in March.
March was fun.
I don't really remember what happened in March.
I wonder why I would do that.
Now that April has hit, graduation is less than two months away.
My grades are alright. But I need to bring my physics grade up.
Everything else will most likely be an A or a B by the end of this semester which is fine.
Detentions, serve/clear them.
Community service hours? Almost done
WEE hours? Mrs. Holm. And I only need 10 more.

Visited UCSD this past weekend. The campus is amazing. And HUGE. Like literally huge. It has six colleges on the campus, medical center/medical school. multiple parking structures.. crazy. If I had to compare it to something its probably like LLA/LLE + LLU + some more. Although I went by myself I had a good time. It made me really excited about going there for school next year. Sunny socal, minutes from the beach, surfing excursions, rock climbing gym 15 minutes from the school, great people, awesome food, RUBIO's on campus = fish taco tuesdays = ME FAT. The dorms are really nice too. Co-ed with guys on one floor, girls on the other. Each of the rooms is connected to a central hub/lobby. Each floor has a kitchen. Shared Bathrooms. Pretty nice.

I've pretty much wasted my life away these past few months..
Didn't even do much climbing..
Did nothing..
So stupid.
SO pissed about that.

School is more lonely than ever. I feel like everyone hates me for some reason. I feel like all the teachers hate me. I swear if it wasn't for Hannah, I probably would never go to school anymore. Having no friends at school is really painful. I have a hard time figuring out whether I'm more lonely at home by myself, or at school surrounded by all those people.

Thanks Hannah for being such a great friend to me. You've been everything to me these past few months. You've helped me through a lot of hard times and just supported me. And was just there for me, even to just listen and I really appreciate that. Even though we didn't talk too much last year for whatever reason, when I started talking to you again this year I was glad to know that our friendship didn't change. You are one of the greatest friends I have ever had and I will cherish the memories we've had. Thanks so much. You're like a little sister to me. You have no idea how grateful I am for you and how much you mean to me. Love you.

Thresh fam.. Including Greg haha. Sad that I consider Greg a Threshold person rather than a school person? not really. Because he is. And so am I. My true life is at Thresh. Anyways. I love all of you guys to death. Its amazing how close we've all gotten so quick. Back in the summer we were all strangers but now we're a close knit family that has each other's backs and cares and looks out for each other. I'm really glad to have met all of you. You guys have changed my life, literally, whether good or bad I won't even consider because when all is said and done, I believe I've changed for the better. You guys mean so much to me. All of you guys. Aaron, Brandon, Bern, Tony, Tofu, Greg, Ashton, Peter, Heather, Matt, Ronan, JD, and whomever I might be forgetting right now.

Tofu.. You have been my closest friend this year. Its crazy how close we became. I don't even remember how it all happened. I think it started with Team Flux during the summer, me you, greg, kirsten and ed. I love you so much bro and don't know what I'd do without you. You know I have your back and I know you have mine. You've helped me a lot. And I hope I helped you a lot as well. Even the small things you do for me, I really appreciate it. Thanks. Lightning and Thunder. And many more of our inside jokes. Love you bro..

uhhh... idk..
I need to let all this stuff out somewhere. Too much to talk to someone about. It'll take forever.

hmmm..what else.

Shasta you are amazingly beautiful and gorgeous. I really hope you find someone good for yourself. Because you truly deserve the best. I really miss seeing you around at school and talking to you. I really miss your bright and cheery smile and attitude you always carried. Just keep smiling my darling.

Well I'm not tired at all right now..
Play some video games until I knock out.
FFVI :)
so much fun replaying it. for like the 4th time..
Good night.

Much Love.

Peace

362

Last night was pretty fail..
the weekend before however.. that was bomb.
This weekend however, will be bomb ;)
Man too much partying.. but its ok
because its spring break next week. I can do whatever.
No more calculus after this week!
Just gotta study hard for today tomorrow and tuesday and its done.
Nothing to worry about.
College English almost done.
And it will be even easier because I won't have to worry about calculus.

Thank you Nicole. Even though I kept you up unnecessarily. I appreciate it. Remember if you ever need someone.

Thank you Hannah. Even though I was going crazy and tried to give you like five billion hickies. Thanks for putting up with it.

Later geees

Peace.

361

This week...
This weekend sent me back into the past. Filled with regret. Felt good to get it out. But its got me thinking again. But I'm getting over it. Good. Good job Jon.
Didn't sleep at all Monday night. Two hours on Tuesday.
Passed out last night on my bed doing hw.

I would talk about what's been troubling me this week on here..but I promised not to tell anyone to my father.. And I take promises very seriously.. Even though I break them here and there. I make my best effort to keep them.. And I just feel so guilty.. growing I was told to never break a promise.. And I had been doing pretty good. But recently I don't know whats the matter with me. I feel like a different person has just taken over. Like an alter ego. He's just so much darker.

But betrayal sucks. Especially from someone so close. Your own brother.
How tragic.. I don't know how you can forgive him for all that. You have all
my respect. And I apologize for being such a bad son.

Family.. I wish my family was close. I hated the holidays because I knew that while everyone else was having a good time, even if they weren't that well off, they would have a good time with their families, I would just be at home. Just like any other day.

Thank you blogger for continuing to eat my shit. Day after day after day.

mmmmm as I wait for my food..

I have so much more I want to say..

But not on here.

Laters gee.

Peace.

I think I'll stop at 365

Count down..
Last night was bomb.
Got pretty drunk..
Let out a lot of stuff I had been holding back for years.
Said some things I probably should never have said.
But what's done is done.
I just have to reap my consequences.
I have never been that emotional before ever. Crazy.
Probably because I had been depressed the past couple weeks
and the alcohol just got me going crazy.
Well I feel a bit better after having gotten that stuff out.
But..Ugh All I ever seem to say to you is sorry..
I think I've said that at least a thousand times to you.
Why can't I just move past everything?
Anyways.
Good night
Laters Gees.

Peace.

wtf

I don't know how to describe how I feel.
This week has just been really weird.
Went extremely fast for me though.
My emotions have just gone on a roller coaster.
I blame it to my lack of sleep.
Not sleeping does a lot of weird things to your mind.
You forget stuff.
You don't realize what you say or do.
Everything feels like a dream.
And when you dream, you can't tell what's real.
Being stuck between dreams and reality.
That's how I feel.
I find it hard to fall asleep.
I need to change this about me.
I think if I got more sleep I wouldn't have to smoke as much either.
Because then I wouldn't feel so tired or sad.
Looking forward to this weekend sort of.
Snowboarding is the only thing I really have planned.
Climb, Basketball, Swap Meet, Compassio tomorrow.
Saturday: Worship, Sleep.
Sunday: Homework.
Monday: Snowboarding! hopefully.
I really wish I continued with piano instead of violin.
I want my hair to grow back lol.
Being DI was actually pretty fun today.
I've been really weird lately.
I'm going crazy.
Ok.
Laters gee.
Peace.

A hoy

Today was absolute trash..
Although last night was freaking awesome..
Had a really deep talk with Ronan and Aaron.
Got just a few hours of sleep.
I really don't know how to describe how I feel right now.
But one thing for sure is disappointment and anger at the fact
that I'm still letting something like that bothering.
I need to move on. Why do I make it so hard for myself?
Drill..hmmmm.
Yeah.
I just need to let some steam off..couldn't go climbing because I had to study for math..
So well here you go blogger. Eat my shit. Literally.
Make me feel better because I have no one else to talk to right now or to confide in.
I really should get a psychologist or therapist or something.
I feel like I'm losing a grip on my life and reality right now.
hmmmm..
Well this is the last time. Hopefully.

Laters gee

Peace

Oh PUC

You were good to me. But bad. Your food gave me indigestion. But it tasted good.
Giunis was amazing.. I would go up north just for those sandwiches. omg. Orgasm.
The trip was alright I guess. I had fun. Even though it was really boring most of
the times.. the night times were the best. I'm gonna miss you Justin.
Good talks.
Snow Globe. Enough said.
I don't even know why I keep writing on here.
Probably because I have no one else to talk to.
No one understands me like you blogger because you're me.
Will probably never step foot on that campus again.
Hopefully I don't end up going there.
There's one thing I need to set straight before the end of the year though.
I should probably do it soon.
ugh I hate this feeling of going to school the next day after coming back from a good trip.. like vacation, choir tour, havasu, anything.
Chilled with Greg afterwards. at In-n-Out.
then in my car. the usual..
hmmm.
Every time I go on here, it just makes me realize all the things I don't have.
I think I'm going to stop.
But I need an outlet for all my frustrations and everything..hmmm..
The trade-offs..
Going to Thresh tomorrow..
Need to cool off..
Fuck college english..
Thank you Muse for being my saving grace.

And Thank You Jesus for always being with me even when I fall all the time. I thank you so much for never giving up on me and continuing to bless me with life everyday. Please keep my father strong as he is really sick right now. And I understand that I can't have everything. Thank you again for everything. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

hmmm...
I hate feeling like this.. I really do. I am so pathetic. I really am. I am the worst of them all. THE absolute WORST.
I hate myself.
No I don't. I love myself. Just some parts I hate a lot. A lot. I wish I could cut that part away. Excise that part. But then I wouldn't be whole and I would just be a piece and a lie.
omg I am going crazy. Someone save me. Why am I like this?
eff.
GOing to sleep. Now.

Laters gees.
Hopefully the last time. Ever.
At least until something I've been waiting for to happen happens.
Peace.

Today

Ugh.

Depressing.

Laters.

Peace.

Can't Believe

I can't believe you still remembered that haha. Even I forgot about it until you reminded me.
Dang.

Drill was pretty good. Made up two more moves.
Pro musica is such a bore.
I really miss last year's.

Cutting down a lot.
Yay me.
So hard though.

Love my thresh homies. Had fun chilling with you guys tonight. I miss these days. We need to hang more.

Got in a good work out and good climbing session. Going to rest tomorrow for Friday!
It's gonna be interesting.

Laters Gee

Peace.

Walk Tall

It was nice talking to Justin today lol.
Never thought we'd become closer.
Just gotta keep your head up man!
Change your attitude.

Today was alright I guess.
Whatever.
Nothing happened.
Just another day.
Basketball game almost gave me a heartattack.
The girls was boring but the guys was freaking intense.
My car is being gay. Engine is messed up.
Hopefully its nothing serious.
Just sketched about driving like this though.
Starting to get sick again..eff.

Idk what makes me have these crazy thoughts.
I'm getting some bad juju.. I feel like something bad is about to happen
in the next couple weeks. I hope I'm wrong.

I wish text messaging was never invented.
And facebook was never invented.
I think then that we would all be much happier.

I'm praying that my car blows up. So that I'll be able to get a new one in a few months.
Please. haha. joke. but I really want a new car.

I need friends. lol. So sad at school.

Scared for class night.. Is anyone gonna try out for anything?

I don't get why I sit on the computer wasting time..
Need to fix that.

Haven't done numbers in forever. lol. Here we go.

1. Your mom needs to chill out. forreal

2. Sorry for flaking today.

3. I don't think I'll ever understand you. Maybe I'm not meant to.

4. We need to talk more niggah.

Laters gee

Peace.

Kingdom Hearts

Oh man I love Kingdom Hearts. It was so magical. The combination of my two favorite things in the world, Final Fantasy and Disney. it was fantastical. Makes me want to play through it again. All the side arcs and side projects were ok. Chain of Memories was really good. Birth By Sleep was really good. Haven't tried the other ones but they look really fun.

Today was a really good day. Man 4 good days in a ROW. Thank you Jesus.
Got a 97% on my Calculus test! Whoooo.
Nothing in M&F
Chapel. Nap.
Pro Musica. ehhhh...let's skip this one haha
Spanish. Usual garbage waste time, mess with senor :)
Lunch, Mcgangbang and SWEET tea.
Econ = Foosball time. I told you I was really good. Didn't believe me.
More SWEET tea after econ.
Drill. Eh semi productive I guess.

Idk today was just really good.

On a major sugar crash right now though.

But whatever.

Sleeping it off.

I like 2011 already.

Doesn't feel like a new year but I like it.

Laters gee

Peace.

Sunday Morning Rain Is Falling

I think it was last Sunday when I posted Sunday Morning Rain is NOT falling..

haha clever clever..

If I remember that was a depressing one.. lol

oh mood swings. fuck you.

Today was a good day.

Man three good days in a row. This is a good streak!

Woke up. Got an oil change for my car..Wal Mart takes forever to do it.. I swear I walked around the store like 50 times. Ended up just playing video games at the well video game center area whatever. After like an hour they finally called me.. Honestly it only takes like 10 or 15 minutes at the most.

Came home. Went to Thresh.
Bomb session. I missed working on problems like this. Getting shut down constantly. Only making me want to get back and try it again, maybe a different beta. Constantly challenging me. The recent problems have been really boring. Most of them aren't that good.

Worked out. Ran a mile. Ordered delivery pizza to the gym. Played foosball.

idk today was just really good. And yesterday. Yesterday was a lot of fun.. Fun is just a matter of perspective.

Portos next friday to pick up justin and ed.
Snowboarding on Saturday.
Sunday = Sleep.

Laters gee

peace.

Concert

Was pretty good..
A lot better than what I expected.
Sermon was an hour long.. I thought I was gonna die up there.
I had to move or something! omg.
Food was really good. Filipino potlucks are so bomb..
Went to Porto's after with Michelle and Erick.
Erick treated us. haha. bomb stuff.
mmmm.
Dropped them off, picked up tofu. Went home, changed, bible camp reunion.
It was pretty fun.
Speaker was really good.
I was about to cry at one point.
Today it really felt as though God was trying to speak to me.
I really felt it..
Thank you Jesus for answering my prayers today.
I'm starting to get addicted to this feeling.
Hopefully a new change for the better.
Myung Ga afterwards.
Food was bleh.
Saw Jeremy.
Today was an interesting day. A really good day actually.
Had a lot fun.
Tomorrow I sleep..

Laters Gee.
Peace.

Pro Musica

hmmm first concert tomorrow..
I don't know half the songs.
I hope it goes over well.
We don't sound that great right now.
I'm kinda wishing I didn't join.
Whatever.
Gotta live with it.
Make the best of it.
I'll make it fun.

Laters gee

Peace.

trippin

Don't worry brah.. Everything will work out.
Just don't fuck up like I did.
I'm here for you.

Today was alright I guess..

Ms. Taylor seriously needs to stop bitching.

Damn.

I'll just put the math book away. geez.

shoot.

I hate that class so much.

Seriously cut down today.
I know that I can do it.
But do I want to.
That is the question.
I know I can.
But.
No.
I will.
And I have to.
Promises aren't meant to be broken.
Right?

Laters gee

Peace.

GO

Train hard for two weeks.
No more tea forever.
I'm turning this thing around.
Getting it back on track.
Let's do this.
I don't need to smoke.
Today was a good day.
Come on.
I can do this.
I will do this.
For myself.
And everyone else who wants me to stop.
Michelle
Ashton
Greg
Nat
Shasta
Tofu
Tony
Brandon
Everyone.

Ready

Set

Go!

Laters Gee

Peace.

Stop

i really need to stop.

Good session today at Thresh.

Was really inspired by Jo, Joel, Brandon, and some other guy I didn't know.
Awesome climbers. All of them are crazy strong.

Train
Train
Train
Train
Train.

My schedule for two weeks.

Put climbing on hold.

I'm just gonna get stronger and more ripped.

I need to be strong.

Physically
Mentally
Spiritually



Drill today was sort of successful I guess. Two moves haha. One of them no one could do.. I'm really regretting one of my choices. I really am. Why did we choose to do that? When I think back, it doesn't make any sense at all haha, Well, we're just going to have to deal with it. We still need one more person. But from the looks of it. Two more. I really want to but it would be messed up. But for the greater good right? To be honest. We're no where near the level we should be to get first place. I'd say second if we're lucky. Probably third. We really need to push it.


Tired.

Looking forward to tomorrow surprisingly.

Used to hate Tuesdays for the longest time.

But now I guess they're alright.

Laters gee

Peace

January 23, 2011

Sunday.
Morning.
Rain.
Is.
Not.
Falling.

My life has been really dull lately.
I miss climbing.
I miss a lot of things.
A lot of things have been missing.
In my life.
School.
Family.
God.
Friends.
I miss a lot of people.
People I used to be really close with.
Now I either don't see them at all
Or rarely see them.
I just feel like there's a piece missing.
In my life.
I can't put a finger on it.
I can't imagine what it is.
But I know something is missing.
In my life.
Is it a person?
Is it a thing?
I really don't know.
I've been filling that hole.
With tea.
It helps at the moment.
But once I'm done.
I know its something else.
And I regret my decision.
All that hole has been filled with so far.
Is regret.
Regret is the worst feeling.
The feeling that you could have done something more.
The feeling that you could have done it different.
The feeling that things could be different.
If I just did a little more.
If I just thought a little harder.
If I just didn't give up.
The thought that you put yourself.
In your position.
With no one else to blame but yourself.
Knowing things could have been different.
Maybe even better.
Is the worst feeling in the world.
Regret is the worst feeling.
I just want to make things better.
Let's just sleep this one off.

Chandler Yen: I don't know if you still read my blogs, but I just want to say I'm really happy for you. And now you shouldn't need a blogger. Because you don't need a blank page on a computer screen to put your words into. You have SOMEONE. A person. That will actually listen to you. Sympathize with you. Understand you. Laugh with you. Someone. To share all those memories and events. And I'm really happy for you. And I hope that you won't have to use this again. Because keeping things inside you is not good for you.

Played basketball for a bit lol. Good shit. It was fun. I guess I don't really hate basketball.
I just wished I had shoes instead of slippers. Danny I'm gonna miss you next semester because we won't have cooking anymore lol. Man. Our kitchen was so bomb..

Wish the colleges would send out their decisions already. I want to know where I'm going to be spending my next four years. And my biggest four years.

Laters gee.

Peace.

Scream!

Getting back into screamo again.

Haha I love it.

idk why. But its very..soothing. Helps me feel less angry, stressed, nervous, sad, everything. Just the music takes it away.

I would find a way without you.

Wednesday...Monday?

Feels like a Monday.
Been pretty sick for a while. Starting to get better slowly.

Really tired.
Headache.
No hw.
Music..
Chilling
Guitar.
Candy.
Awesome.

And you were worried you had no one. lol you have more friends than I do.

Laters gee.
Peace.

I give up..

Ugh school is so much work.. I give up... I just really don't care anymore. I want to enjoy life, not crawl through it.

Climb, chill, party, guitar, yes please.. its hard to go back to the school life after doing that for what seems forever..

ugh.. just one more day.. one weekend to cool down..

and the last stretch begins.

Pro musica here i come!

Fucked up my elbow today.. I was told I wouldn't be able to climb for 4-6 weeks.. most depressing ever. Hopefully it heals fast. Like really really really fast..

Fuck college english.. Only if it wasn't 0 period it wouldn't be that bad..

Feeling really tired right now.. I think I'll review for physics tomorrow morning..

Fuck it. I'll wing it. Lord help me.

I don't deserve it but please..

Amen.

I want to be really good at climbing.. Like really good.

Laters gee.

Peace

mmmm...

Cookies! haha sharde. That joke was the shit. Don't worry I have more stupid jokes.

Mcgangbang for lunch and sweet tea. mmm..

Missed drill practice.. who knew how long it would take to go from my house to school?

Well honestly, I went home, ate, changed and then left. haha. wasn't trying to miss it just happened ya know?

Threshold after. Cake and tea. mmmm.. so good :)

I'm so glad I got close with tofu and aaron..

Our birthdays are all one month apart and we're all in 92.

Aaron: Sept. 24
Me: Oct. 27
Tofu: Nov. 29

scary

We all have the same blood type too..

even more freaky

we all got sick at the same time on the same day with the same symptoms while we never saw each other for over a week...

just plain out weird.

hmm...

Good workout.

Why is it so hard to stop smoking? seriously.. like why?
I had reasons before. and told myself that I had no more reasons
to do it. But I continue to do it regardless. why? I
really need to stop.. like forreal we all need to try and quit.
Because it is like impossible by yourself..
Probably because I did so much over break..
Not good.
Average of like 6 a day..
Went through like 6 or 7 packs in two weeks..
crazy.
and that's like 60 bucks..
damn.
I freaking need to stop..
I don't even want to smoke.
My body just needs the nicotine.. in the form of a cigarette..

Making promises used to work but now not anymore. No matter how hard I try promises aren't enough..idk what's gonna get me to stop but whatever it is i'm ready for it.

ugghhh I feel like I've lost so many friends.

way too many.

hmmm looking forward to tomorrow.

Every new day is a chance to make something new happen..

wow that was stupid lol.

laters gee

peace

Days like this

Makes me want to just run away.

Woke up. Hurried to do some work in San Timoteo Canyon to clear mud from houses.
It was pretty fun I guess. Was there for about an hour and then went home to wash up. Headed out to Threshold a bit later. Met up with people and went to Asahi Sushi. All you can eat! Freaking bomb ass food. Ate so much.

Hit up Thresh after. Then slack lining at the park for about an hour.

Played some ping pong for a few hours. Good shit. Me and Greg were doing so good.

Came home usual bullshit from dad.

Now I'm grounded. blah blah blah.. Like I care.. I really don't..

If you wonder why I'm like this, take time to consider what you've done for me and how I grew up. I grew up by myself, the only people I had were my friends from school. You never talked to me. All you did was make me do shit I didn't want to. Not let me do shit I wanted to. And just bought me stuff. I barely ever saw you. Home alone most of the time. Left at school with friends most of the time. All we did was live in the same house. The relationship we have can hardly be called a father-son relationship. I seriously cannot stand you. We're nothing alike.

I'm your consequence for not doing shit to me. Never doing anything for me, only stuff that you thought I would like. You don't really know me at all. You never took the time when you had the chance. So why should I bother ever trying to understand you? Why should I, when you didn't? You've told me to be the bigger person, but this time I'm not.

So I hope you continue to have a miserable life. And if I have to suffer too, then so be it. As long as I know it makes you suffer, I can take all the suffering and pain I need to.

Peace.

Wasted

today was the most boring day ever.
When I leave the house to try and do something to have fun
and come home not having done anything is the worst..
Started out ok. and just got worse and worse and worse as the sun went down.
Dodgeball was lame
Party was lame
My time was just wasted.

shoot..

laters gee..

peace

My Home

Super stoked for climbing club. I hope it turns out great and a lot of people sign up. Have to make a really inspirational video. Gotta show them the best.


This week is gonna go by fast I hope.

Tofu hurry up and come back..

We need to cover this:




This:



lol joke

But this one for sure:

I would post another video but they're all kinda, gay. Like homosexual gay. haha. and none of them are that good quality.


Today sucked balls.

Sick skipped school

Went to thresh.

Came home

Black ops

wasted time on computer.


Hopefully tomorrow is a lot better.

Peace.

I need to stop

My fingers freaking hurt like mad..I should probably take a break.

Just working out for now I guess. Can't lose my strength or else I'll be fucked.

I'm hoping Nick agrees to help with the climbing video.. It's gonna be dope if he does. He and I just work so well together. We both think similarly in a way but have different approaches to things.. When we combine them with his talent, bam.

Today sucked.

Yeah.

Peace.

Five more months

Five more months until school is done

Four more months until drill competition

Three more months until word back from Brown, NYU, and Syracuse

Two more months until word back from UCSD, UCLA, UCI, UCR, UCB, UCSB

One more month until financial aid forms are due

Just four more checkpoints until school is done.

Four more checkpoints until I'm out of here

Five more months until I will never see almost all these people again

Five more months of high school bliss

Five more months of being a kid

Five more months of high school hell

Five more months of fake people

Well not just five, more like 70 more years.

Five more months of waiting

for what I've been waiting for four years

And it'll be all over.

Four fast years.

I'll miss some,

I'll be glad to be rid of some.

But I'll miss everything.

Time to make the most of what I have left.

Just like the little bit of gas left in your tank

When that meter dips below the last line

You're waiting for that light to come on

So you can go fill up and see the meter go up again

But secretly you don't

You want to see how far you can push it

How much money you can save

How much you can squeeze out of the last little bit

Just five more months.

Free verse. Entitled five more months. I own all rights to this poem.

I wish I could freestyle
I wish I could be a poet
I wish to be so many things
But I never stop to look at what I am
Is that selfish?
Is that wrong?
Is that greedy?
Is that humble?
Is that ambitious?
I just want more.
But I am what I am


man..
I wish I felt tired so I could plop on my bed and fall asleep..
but I'm not tired at all. fuck.
well I'll just leave it at this.
Laters geee

Peace.

New Years 2011

Resolutions from last year:

1. Find what I truly want in life and decide whether it is practical or not. (X)

2. Be a nicer and safer driver and make less illegal moves and observe the speed limit. (X)

3. Be able to climb V8 and up

4. Focus in school

5. Find Jesus.

6. Keep my anniversary. Michelle you know what I'm talking about. What was it like 10/19 or somethig like that?

7. Be able to take off my shirt so that I can focus when I climb those 8's. (X)

8. Eat and stay healthy. (X)

9. Not be a douchebag

10. Make my family proud.

hmmmm kept 4? 40%.. Not bad not bad. At least I kept some right? haha.
Well let's make 11 this year.

1. Stop drinking tea

2. Hit a V10

3. Get a girlfriend

4. Get really ripped and strong

5. Be a good role model for my brother and all the little climbers at Thresh

6. Hopefully get into a college that I wanted to

7. Find a girlfriend..hmm oh wait. repeat.

8. idk I guess that's about it.

only 6 I guess.

2010, you were a wild year. Started off bomb, hit a massive slump, and ended on an okay note. 2011 I hope you will treat me better.

Peace.