365

It's been a while. But I guess I really can't quit writing here. I don't understand Tumblr. and because no one probably reads this anymore I have solitude. Just read through a few of my old posts again. I sound pretty depressed haha. Sad to say I'm not much better since then. My grades were terrible this quarter. Pledging was one of the worst things I've ever done and I'm still not sure if it was a good decision to join a fraternity. I'll probably be on academic probation for this quarter and probably next. I really need to step it up. What happened to my attitude about not messing around anymore? I guess I took it too lightly. I'm not as good or smart as I thought I was. I just didn't put in enough time. I can make excuses all day about why I did so terrible. But the truth is that none of those excuses are going to make a difference. It's already been done. I just have to move on. Really wish I could have started out a lot stronger than this. Now I'm just gonna have to work even harder. but that's fine. because it seems like I always have to make things harder on myself.

I have so many things to say to you. I just don't understand the mentality you had. Those are not things you do to your brother. Not even to a friend. What you did is just something totally fucked up. I thought you had changed your ways but apparently it's too much to ask for. I can never look at you the same. Your kids are no longer my friends. You are no longer part of my family in my eyes. My father may forgive you to a certain extent. And I forgive you too. But you will never be able to get rid of this anger and resentment I hold against you. Never. Even in death. I hope that you find a better life and quit flaunting the things you bought with my father's money and his name. You earned nothing you deserved.

Every time. I swear. Every time that I see you. My feelings are something that I cannot describe nor can I put a hold on exactly what I feel. But it is a peculiar reaction.

365.
365 blog posts. over I believe 3 or 4 years. crazy. good bye for now. I will probably be back.

I don't know when. but. I will be back.