The Rhythm of Life, one must learn to ride one's own furies.

So stressed out right now.
Everything is falling apart
So deperessed right now.
This week started out good but then why does all of this have to happen?
It wouldn't have been too bad individually but it just all collapsed, all at once.
I worked so hard for the whole year.
Gave up my time for friends, parties, my vacation time, screwed up relationships with my father and brother.
Organizing a bone marrow donor drive.
Going to mission trips every other weekend.
Attending donor drives.
Solving insanely hard math problems.
Studying for AP Biology.
Studying for SAT II Subject Tests.
Gave up studying time for drill.
Writing application essays and filling out numerous applications.
Practicing for concerts and recitals and competitions.
I did so much and now it just feels as if though my efforts were all in vain.

And for what?
I gave up so much yet gained so little.
I've never tasted such failure as this.
All I wanted to do was make him proud.
But not once, not once, did he ever look at me with appreciation of my work and efforts.
That pissed me off even more. Only made me want to work harder.
But I just grew tired of it all.
Tomorrow will be better. I'll make it better.

I need You.
Where are You?
Help me.

So here we are
Buried under our lives
In a world, oh so cold
Frozen in a moment, just close your eyes
Life was all a dream
So put, me to sleep
I'll follow the blood
Back to you, my God
Bring this puzzle back,
Back to life

Life Was All a Dream - Before Their Eyes

I hate drill

I HATE DRILL
I HATE DRILL
I HATE DRILL...
oh yeah
I HATE DRILL

I can't stand it. I don't even know why I joined. But I have to admit, I enjoyed it in the beginning a little. Those days when it was just me, Chandler, Greg, Michelle, Elizabeth and Lydia. Then the girls would go to basketball practice and it would just be me Chandler and Greg trying to make up moves. We made up several but ended up not using any. Staying until 6:30 everyday. But that was when it wasn't stressful, annoying, pissy, depressing, or scrubby. That was when it was actually fun. But Greg and Liz left. And it's been pretty much just us four since then I guess. I ditched maybe a week and a half of practice or maybe a few days more. But I think the only person to go to every single practice is Michelle. Huge respect for her right now. And now that I have two scrubs in my row for marching its not gonna be good. They need to sharpen up, learn the moves, and keep the count. Oh yay, now only seven more days until the competition. We have a plan but we're not sure if it will work. God willing, help us Jesus. Amen

We're taking this way too slow,
Take me away from here.
Fate fell short this time
Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hands in mine
I'll leave when i wanna...

Feeling This - Blink 182

I'm gonna eat you up

Today
Was
Stressful, fun, exciting, boring, energetic, smelly,
and full of all other goodness.
I want summer...
And yay vespers this Friday...fun stuff.
Let's JJAM

Weekend

My weekend was boring. My dad got pissed again. Hung out with friends Saturday night. I wasn't cool enough for Casey's party but its alright. Made some new friends Saturday. Gave a mini lightshow hahaha, not really, only had four lights but whatever. I am so gonna buy a full set of lights. I'm gonna get some that change colors and leave trails in the air and flash and its gonna be bomb. But I need like $60. Donations are welcome :) Bowling was kinda lame. I was really disappointed.

Oh, never try just half of an orange because you just can't. It just doesn't work like that. You have to eat the whole thing. It's just too tempting. I love oranges. I like strawberries too. And peaches. I love fruits! yay I'm a fruit!! I'm GAY!! YEA!!! No...I'm just kidding. I'm not gay. but I like fruits and vegetables. Gotta stay healthy you know. I just found out how unhealthy ramen is. 250 calories per serving, 880 mg of sodium and servings per package: 2. And I had like two last night at like midnight. Not good. I need my fruits and vegetables.

I almost unlocked Red Tiger for my M16 on CoD4. And Blue Tiger for my P90. I hate the P90. Its a nub gun. The only guns you need is M16 and MP5. Only if there was an MP5 attachment for the M16...hm...now that...would be rape. M16 already is rape enough though. I already have Red Tiger for MP5. I just started to try and get complete the Expert challenges for the other guns. I used the MP5 until like Level 43 I think. I freakin love that gun! I'll jizz on your face with it. My best with MP5 on Dom 57-11 on Crash. Yea there's better people out there but I'm quite proud of it. Well there's my weekend. Videogames, Bowling, Church, Studying, Violin and Homework. Hm...a typical Asian weekend.

Feeling This

Yay Thursday, only one more day until the weekend. Hopefully the weather is nice tomorrow so that car wash won't be cancelled. Our class really needs money and if we postpone this we probably will never have the car wash...

Drill today was another epic fail. We got two scrubs that we need to teach and they need to sharpen up big time. I need to practice columns... yeah..we're pretty much screwed in the butt.

I haven't been this scared
In a long time
And I'm so unprepared
So here's your Valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's an ugly place, but your so beautiful to me

Going Away To College - Blink 182

We're taking this way too slow.

Breakdown

Friday, Saturday, Sunday: Duuuude Friday was bomb. I was a little disappointed but that disappointment turned into relief later in the day. Camp out was amazing. But not as great as last year. I have to say though, I loved my tent. Chris and I introduced Matt to a new world of delicious tastiness that is called 라면 (ramen). He fell in love with it and we each ate like two bowls. Matt ate three...got reacquainted with some old friends and became closer with some current ones. Then came Saturday. Breakfast was just...I don't want to talk about it haha...lets just say we almost caught the tent on fire and didn't realize it for about a minute. I was a loner most of Saturday. Matt was with his girl, Chris was sleeping and I was just tired and sitting on the beach floating from group to group doing absolutely nothing. Played football and frisbee for a while but I was really tired. Sunday we just went home and I was extremely tired on the bus ride back and took a quick nap but it was extremely weird, I felt a sudden burst of energy and was freaking going crazy. No I didn't do drugs or anything. I just was really happy to get all this stuff off my chest and talk it out. It's like taking a really big crap when you've been holding it in all day, you feel surprisingly good afterward (or at least I do). I went home and well..slept.

Monday, Tuesday and Today: School....drill....violin...sleep....repeat. I love Pastor J. I hate drill. I love violin. I love sleep. So 3 out of 4 thats not a bad day. We're now short two people and no D.I. for drill. We're pretty much screwed. With Chandler and Lydia gone on tour I doubt we'll get anythig done. God help us. Oh and there's this nasty rumor about people doing drugs (me included in that group, I'm not gonna name the rest) that is really pissing me off. It's really really really annoying. Anyways I'm not gonna care about it too much, can't let that stuff get to my head and mess me up in school and stuff. But if it gets out of control then I guess I'll have to try and do something..

So I've decided not to take the AP exam for biology. I am so behind and there isn't enough time for me to review all 1500 some pages of that effing book. Think of our bio class with ten times more detail and critical thinking and analysis and application of concepts and conducting your own labs and hardcore essays. Oh and I hate my father.

Overall I enjoyed campout. Got a load off my chest (Thanks Matt). I found out some stuff that I never thought would be true. My worst nightmares realized. My own denials and lies turned all against me. And I learned stuff about myself and I think I matured a little. Lord Jesus help me.
Amen.

The Night Before Campout

Camp out is TOMORROW. I need to pack all my crap tonight. And finish my AP Bio textbook. I don't think I can do the latter...its freaking killing me. Anyways camp out is gonna be super bomb. A weekend to just chill with friends at the beach, I mean, what more could you ask for? I'm getting ready to roll for campout like seriously, I am so excited but tired. I have huge bags under my eyes I look like a panda right now. So tenting with Matt and Chris is gonna be tight too. Only if this one kid came but he wants to go to Boba for their anniversary. What can I say?

Drill sucks. I can't get my retarded double jointed arm and hand to look good. and I swing my whole arm. And shopping on Sunday after camp out for clothes for drill. YEA!! No joke I'm actually looking forward to that. Probably just be a little tired. As long as they don't make me practice during camp out its cool. Oh yeah you're really REALLY smart. No really, you are. And I've made a resolution. I'm gonna be more serious during drill.

이 지난주부터 빅뱅 하고 소녀시대를 듯기 시작 햇다...
소녀시대 사랑해요~
and
빅뱅 is my heroooo
탑 하고 승리 형은 너무 멋잇어요
승리 형 우리 친구 먹자...나이 가 이년 차이 밖애만 아돼는대...
누나들 하고 형님들, 화이팅!

My First Blog...

So...I got bored and didn't feel like studying like i should be and decided to make a blog. Now I can say all the crap I want on the World Wide Web for everyone to see! yay! K, so yea. I'll try to write everyday. Let's play.