Felt so tired before.
But insomia..
Did bad at the comp. I climbed really dumb. Should have finished working intermediate problems before working on the advanced/open ones. Tired myself out and couldn't do anything else. But its ok. It was a lot of fun. Way worth $30.
Football, ehhh it was ok..
Larry needs not to play..has no clue what you're doing man. Even yesterday they were just eating up your zone..
But good job otherwise.
Failed senior game because offense couldn't put up any points and we got a safety. lame.
This is probably the worst I've seen Loma Linda Varsity football. We've only lost one game so far, but its hard to believe looking at the way we play.
I wish I went to Josh's house but I'm just too tired. I'd probably fall asleep on the wheel.
A guy made an illegal u-turn and almost crashed into me.. I swear I have the worst luck while I drive. It's not that I'm a bad driver, people do stupid shit, and I just happen to be there.. Wrong place at the wrong time. Well I guess its because I'm clumsy haha
Ok.
Night
peace.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Why..
SAT results came out today. I scored lower than I did last time.. I had set myself really high goals. I was really disappointed and pissed off at myself. And at collegeboard a little, but mainly at myself. So ridiculous.. I can't express how annoyed I was.
Pretend you're a really good tennis player. You practice a lot, work your butt off everyday, and sweat buckets after buckets. Now you have a really big match coming. You've played him before, you beat him, but it was really close, to the point where it was down to a bad line call or a missed serve or something. And you've decided this time to wipe the floor with that guy, this time, it wouldn't be near as close as last time. Your coach is constantly telling you that it will be easy, and that you were just having a bad game last time. And that this guy is nothing compared to you at 100%. You believe his words, you feed off of it, and it becomes your mantra and your mentality for 10 months. You believe it, it becomes your life, and it becomes more than words, it becomes a parasite, living in your brain. Feeding you ideas and lies, but at that point and time, you had no clue it was lies.
The day of the game comes, and he gets to serve first. Oh its alright, I've practiced receiving serves a lot, I'm pretty comfortable with that. He serves, bam. The ball disappears for a moment and you only see it after you hear the crack of the ball hitting the court. He gets the first point. 15 - love. You eventually catch up and beat his serving game, but close. The match goes on and on and on. Set after set after set. Its the final set, and he's serving again. The serves that you thought you practiced for feel completely different now. You feel as though you're playing someone totally different. Then you take a closer look at him. He's not sweating, he's not trying to catch his breath, his shirt isn't dripping from the perspiration, he looks calm, but you see a slight smirk. And then you realize it, he's just been going easy from the beginning. And now you realize that you truly had no chance at beating this guy. And you also learn that you only won last time because he had a sprained ankle.
He beats you easily on the 6th set. You score nothing on him. 45 -love. How pathetic. You walk off the court, people come up to you, try to cheer you up. Nothing works. Because you know, deep inside, that the game you played wasn't, at all, a game. It was a scam. A predetermined event of fate, schemed against you by conspirators unknown. You try to find something take your anger and disappointment out on, find nothing. Then you see something that you should have done long ago, train even harder. And there you find your new source of inspiration. You realize that you're still a good player, you were just cheated this time. You feed yourself new lies to make yourself feel better, but in the end, it's all where you began.
Struggling. struggling against the waves and motions of life. Trying to make a name for yourself in a world where 6 billion others are trying to do the same. Where only a thousand know your name, and maybe only half of that know you personally, and only a quarter you see frequently and an eighth of that, you might be close with. You realize you're worth nothing, your actions mean nothing, the consequences for your actions mean nothing. You keep telling your self that to justify whatever you want to do.
But even through all that, your eyes open and see that there's only two directions you can go in life. Forward, or death. And death would be too sweet of a departure for me and too easy. There has to be a challenge. Besides, I still have a shitload of stuff I want to do.
Been reading fight club all day. Freaking awesome book. I think I have found a new interest in reading. This is what I should have been doing three years ago, not worrying about my clothes or friends or girls or what I'm going to eat. I should have been reading and reading and reading. Only now do I see my mistakes. If I could turn back time.. But it's not too late to start. I have a pile of books that I bought that I plan to read in the next couple weeks.
Peace.
Pretend you're a really good tennis player. You practice a lot, work your butt off everyday, and sweat buckets after buckets. Now you have a really big match coming. You've played him before, you beat him, but it was really close, to the point where it was down to a bad line call or a missed serve or something. And you've decided this time to wipe the floor with that guy, this time, it wouldn't be near as close as last time. Your coach is constantly telling you that it will be easy, and that you were just having a bad game last time. And that this guy is nothing compared to you at 100%. You believe his words, you feed off of it, and it becomes your mantra and your mentality for 10 months. You believe it, it becomes your life, and it becomes more than words, it becomes a parasite, living in your brain. Feeding you ideas and lies, but at that point and time, you had no clue it was lies.
The day of the game comes, and he gets to serve first. Oh its alright, I've practiced receiving serves a lot, I'm pretty comfortable with that. He serves, bam. The ball disappears for a moment and you only see it after you hear the crack of the ball hitting the court. He gets the first point. 15 - love. You eventually catch up and beat his serving game, but close. The match goes on and on and on. Set after set after set. Its the final set, and he's serving again. The serves that you thought you practiced for feel completely different now. You feel as though you're playing someone totally different. Then you take a closer look at him. He's not sweating, he's not trying to catch his breath, his shirt isn't dripping from the perspiration, he looks calm, but you see a slight smirk. And then you realize it, he's just been going easy from the beginning. And now you realize that you truly had no chance at beating this guy. And you also learn that you only won last time because he had a sprained ankle.
He beats you easily on the 6th set. You score nothing on him. 45 -love. How pathetic. You walk off the court, people come up to you, try to cheer you up. Nothing works. Because you know, deep inside, that the game you played wasn't, at all, a game. It was a scam. A predetermined event of fate, schemed against you by conspirators unknown. You try to find something take your anger and disappointment out on, find nothing. Then you see something that you should have done long ago, train even harder. And there you find your new source of inspiration. You realize that you're still a good player, you were just cheated this time. You feed yourself new lies to make yourself feel better, but in the end, it's all where you began.
Struggling. struggling against the waves and motions of life. Trying to make a name for yourself in a world where 6 billion others are trying to do the same. Where only a thousand know your name, and maybe only half of that know you personally, and only a quarter you see frequently and an eighth of that, you might be close with. You realize you're worth nothing, your actions mean nothing, the consequences for your actions mean nothing. You keep telling your self that to justify whatever you want to do.
But even through all that, your eyes open and see that there's only two directions you can go in life. Forward, or death. And death would be too sweet of a departure for me and too easy. There has to be a challenge. Besides, I still have a shitload of stuff I want to do.
Been reading fight club all day. Freaking awesome book. I think I have found a new interest in reading. This is what I should have been doing three years ago, not worrying about my clothes or friends or girls or what I'm going to eat. I should have been reading and reading and reading. Only now do I see my mistakes. If I could turn back time.. But it's not too late to start. I have a pile of books that I bought that I plan to read in the next couple weeks.
Peace.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Last Week
Last week of football!
SAT scores on Thursday.. so nervous. I really need to score higher than my last one. I'm pretty confident but there is always that what if in the back of my head.
mmmkk.
peace.
SAT scores on Thursday.. so nervous. I really need to score higher than my last one. I'm pretty confident but there is always that what if in the back of my head.
mmmkk.
peace.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Things I love
1. Finding money in my pockets
2. Taking a sip from a can of whatever you were drinking from that you thought was empty but still had a good amount of beverage left in.
3. A full tank of gas
4. Clean underwear
5. Smell of fresh laundry
6. A really good book or movie, one that makes you think.
7. Sleep
8. Free time
9. Brushing my teeth.
10. Taking a dump.
11. Meeting interesting new people.
12. Rocks..
13. Wikipedia and google.
14. Good music
15. Finding new music.. haven't had the time to do that recently
16. Classical music
17. Violin
18. Drawing or doodling.. I should probably finish my soldier picture but I haven't seen my teacher in two years.. awkward
19. Something original. But is anything original?
20. napping in class
21. Sitting, sipping coffee, contemplating life, and listening to music, all at once.
22. Shopping
23. going for a drive when it's rainy or cold. I dunno I like driving in the rain, especially at night.
24. good food.. Japanese, Italian, Korean, Thai, Vietnamese.
25. Korea
ehhh not in any particular order. 25 felt like a good number. I like the number 5.
well maybe a game or two of starcraft and off to bed!
Tomorrow: EDIT COLLEGE ENGLISH PAPER TILL I DIE. I need to get an A..
aight
Peace everybodies.
2. Taking a sip from a can of whatever you were drinking from that you thought was empty but still had a good amount of beverage left in.
3. A full tank of gas
4. Clean underwear
5. Smell of fresh laundry
6. A really good book or movie, one that makes you think.
7. Sleep
8. Free time
9. Brushing my teeth.
10. Taking a dump.
11. Meeting interesting new people.
12. Rocks..
13. Wikipedia and google.
14. Good music
15. Finding new music.. haven't had the time to do that recently
16. Classical music
17. Violin
18. Drawing or doodling.. I should probably finish my soldier picture but I haven't seen my teacher in two years.. awkward
19. Something original. But is anything original?
20. napping in class
21. Sitting, sipping coffee, contemplating life, and listening to music, all at once.
22. Shopping
23. going for a drive when it's rainy or cold. I dunno I like driving in the rain, especially at night.
24. good food.. Japanese, Italian, Korean, Thai, Vietnamese.
25. Korea
ehhh not in any particular order. 25 felt like a good number. I like the number 5.
well maybe a game or two of starcraft and off to bed!
Tomorrow: EDIT COLLEGE ENGLISH PAPER TILL I DIE. I need to get an A..
aight
Peace everybodies.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Rain.
It was raining pretty hard earlier this afternoon. Lots of thunder. There was this one thunder that was dragged out for like 15 seconds. It was pretty scary.
I felt like blogging but I really don't have anything interesting to say.
Newbury tournament was retarded. But Newbury game on Saturday night was fun even though we lost. They deserved to win. We just made too many mistakes and they didn't make as many. That's pretty much all it came down to. I still think we're better.
Don't you just hate those texts that you don't know how to reply to?
Bored.. Just sitting in my room.. doing nothing. Should probably start writing my paper for Christian Mission class and finishing my Calculus homework. Maybe in a little bit.
Christian Mission is the worst class ever and a waste of time and your money. DO NOT TAKE IT. EVER. You don't learn anything.
ok bye
I felt like blogging but I really don't have anything interesting to say.
Newbury tournament was retarded. But Newbury game on Saturday night was fun even though we lost. They deserved to win. We just made too many mistakes and they didn't make as many. That's pretty much all it came down to. I still think we're better.
Don't you just hate those texts that you don't know how to reply to?
Bored.. Just sitting in my room.. doing nothing. Should probably start writing my paper for Christian Mission class and finishing my Calculus homework. Maybe in a little bit.
Christian Mission is the worst class ever and a waste of time and your money. DO NOT TAKE IT. EVER. You don't learn anything.
ok bye
Monday, October 18, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Finally!
I finally am able to play Starcraft 2! It's been like three months since it came out but it's all good. It's going to take me a while to catch up to all the good players out there already. Got placed in silver. A little disappointed. Could have gone 4-1 except idk. He had tanks and marauders and marines and vikings.. I had hydra, roach, baneling, infestor, mutalisks. Didn't really work out for me. Should have won that match up but..ehh.. mis micro. And not paying attention to my hydras. Forgot how devastating tanks are against them.
Pretty decent day I guess.. Survey thing during fifth was the most retarded thing ever.
You know what I'm going to do right now..
Peace
Pretty decent day I guess.. Survey thing during fifth was the most retarded thing ever.
You know what I'm going to do right now..
Peace
Monday, October 11, 2010
SC2
Is the game of the decade. I like brood war better by like a little bit. Probably just because I'm a little more used to it but SC2 is freaking awesome.
Also everyone be looking out for PBJStarcraft, coming up pretty soon. BE READIES!
Also everyone be looking out for PBJStarcraft, coming up pretty soon. BE READIES!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
SAT
Is tomorrow. Yay..four hours here I come. I'm actually pretty excited for it for some reason.
Stop being a bitch and man up.
Aight
Good night and good luck to everyone tomorrow and this weekend.
Peace.
Stop being a bitch and man up.
Aight
Good night and good luck to everyone tomorrow and this weekend.
Peace.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Popping bottles in the ice, like a blizzard.
Well this is new. Decided to try blogging on my phone and using the android keyboard rather than the swype keyboard.. I actually like is better. Way easier to type. Yeah the swype thing is pretty cool but I like this standard a lot better. Now im using the samsung keyboard.. Ehh android one is way better. But swype is just so much faster. I'm torn between keyboards..swype is fast, android is accurate and samsung is well..it lets me type in korean? Lol I think I'm sticking with the swype keyboard for now.
Ok day. Game was very bad.
You are a really interesting person. I don't know what to make of you. Very interesting.
Boxer is back! I'm rooting for you.
Need to study for calculus test tomorrow. SAT on Sunday. And free after that. Thank god for a three day weekend.
Guess that's it.
.Peace.
Ok day. Game was very bad.
You are a really interesting person. I don't know what to make of you. Very interesting.
Boxer is back! I'm rooting for you.
Need to study for calculus test tomorrow. SAT on Sunday. And free after that. Thank god for a three day weekend.
Guess that's it.
.Peace.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Loneliness
For some odd reason I've been feeling really lonely lately and sad and depressed. Oh well just one of those phases.
Oh really productive drill practice. I really like tim. As a person, and drill member and as a friend. Good job everyone.
driving to and from stater bros. Made me think of this:
I've always wanted to go grocery shopping with a girl for food. Ingredients to a recipe then go back home with her and cook with her/for her. eat the meal then go for a drive in the night. While its raining and chilly. Come home heat up some hot chocolate and make some popcorn and fall asleep on the couch while watching a movie together with the girl on your shoulder. Awww how cute. Wake up early before the sunrise, go jog with her and go to the top of a big hill and watch the sunrise. Haha maybe I'm just weird.
Oh well time for hw and SAT.
Chandler Yen! I'm getting a laptop soon! you know what that means...
Peace.
Oh really productive drill practice. I really like tim. As a person, and drill member and as a friend. Good job everyone.
driving to and from stater bros. Made me think of this:
I've always wanted to go grocery shopping with a girl for food. Ingredients to a recipe then go back home with her and cook with her/for her. eat the meal then go for a drive in the night. While its raining and chilly. Come home heat up some hot chocolate and make some popcorn and fall asleep on the couch while watching a movie together with the girl on your shoulder. Awww how cute. Wake up early before the sunrise, go jog with her and go to the top of a big hill and watch the sunrise. Haha maybe I'm just weird.
Oh well time for hw and SAT.
Chandler Yen! I'm getting a laptop soon! you know what that means...
Peace.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Look at me now.
Fresno tournament this past weekend. Lots of fun. Bonding and winning games. 4-0. got closer to a lot more people. Hopefully I don't play this Thursday. My hamstring really needs to rest from last week. It's so tight I can't even do some ab workouts lol.
School is so boring. I have no incentive to go..i only go for calculus and college english. Because we don't do anything in any other class.
went to threshold today instead of studying for the physics test. Way worth it. Get stronger, meet new people. Its way more useful then one physics test. Supposed to be ladies night but no ladies tonight.
I really wish..
I have an urge to watch (500) days of summer again.
I think I've watched that movie like once every two weeks or something like that. So addicted to that movie.just something about it,i can't help but be entertained and absorbed every time I watch it.
Fuck early decision. not enough time right now. Gonna start UC applications next week after SAT this sunday. I really need to get at least 2250. Aiming for 2350. well since a lot of people are taking it, it should be easier for me to score higher.
I wonder what you think..
Idk what to do after football season is over. Well.. I guess drill haha.
I think the worst pain in the world is solitude. Its the only pain you can't share. That feeling of separation, that no one gives a shit. But it its the truth. In the grand scheme of things, no one cares what you do, who you are, only what you have. Gotta find the people that actually do care for WHO you are though.
I'm not even tired anymore. Climbing got me so pumped.
Someone find me a lady friend.
Someone that's cute, confident, funny, likes to laugh, has a nice smile, doesn't mind trying new things, not too tall or short, not too long or short hair, just in between, dark or brown hair, knows how to dress or looks cute in whatever she decides to wear. Has a hobby or passionate about something, school, singing, dancing, biking, running, whatever, just not someone who sits around and does nothing all day. Has a good taste in music, or like similar stuff as I do. Can cook somewhat. Can pull off glasses. Doesn't wear too much makeup, and still looks pretty without, or even prettier. Someone who can tie their hair back and show off their face. someone I can sit and talk to for hours about random stuff, like favorite fruit, pineapples, tv, phones, grass, the shape of the clouds, the moon, anything. Someone that's chill. Isn't confined to her cell phone. Doesn't mind just lying in the grass and talking. and Asian.
I guess to narrow it down: cute, has a hobby, chill, likes new things, easy to talk to, not too much make up, asian, not too tall. sick. Now to fix the gdlm part.
Girls seriously do not like me. Every single time, it just gets to a certain point, so close, and then bam. Just all gone. Like none of it ever happened, like it was all just a dream. Every single time. So annoying. Just some bad luck in the wind. Next time for sure!
Hah I lied. I am really tired. Tired as balls. It's only when I'm really tired I write a whole bunch of random shit and get all dramatic and emotional. Sorry people. I'm really not like this lol. I think the last few blogs have been really..uh sad or depressing. I've just been really tired these past few days.
Is this a really long blog? I don't really know.
I am so down to go golf or something. Maybe in a couple weeks.
Nicole Simorangkir, you are crazy. Just remember.. It was also fun seeing you this past weekend and hanging out with you. When you and Cassidy come down whenever it is you guys do, we'll have a little fiesta.
I'm kinda looking forward to drill. We have to do good this year. If we don't get first I'm gonna cry. NHS stuff is getting really busy.
School is so boring. I have no incentive to go..i only go for calculus and college english. Because we don't do anything in any other class.
went to threshold today instead of studying for the physics test. Way worth it. Get stronger, meet new people. Its way more useful then one physics test. Supposed to be ladies night but no ladies tonight.
I really wish..
I have an urge to watch (500) days of summer again.
I think I've watched that movie like once every two weeks or something like that. So addicted to that movie.just something about it,i can't help but be entertained and absorbed every time I watch it.
Fuck early decision. not enough time right now. Gonna start UC applications next week after SAT this sunday. I really need to get at least 2250. Aiming for 2350. well since a lot of people are taking it, it should be easier for me to score higher.
I wonder what you think..
Idk what to do after football season is over. Well.. I guess drill haha.
I think the worst pain in the world is solitude. Its the only pain you can't share. That feeling of separation, that no one gives a shit. But it its the truth. In the grand scheme of things, no one cares what you do, who you are, only what you have. Gotta find the people that actually do care for WHO you are though.
I'm not even tired anymore. Climbing got me so pumped.
Someone find me a lady friend.
Someone that's cute, confident, funny, likes to laugh, has a nice smile, doesn't mind trying new things, not too tall or short, not too long or short hair, just in between, dark or brown hair, knows how to dress or looks cute in whatever she decides to wear. Has a hobby or passionate about something, school, singing, dancing, biking, running, whatever, just not someone who sits around and does nothing all day. Has a good taste in music, or like similar stuff as I do. Can cook somewhat. Can pull off glasses. Doesn't wear too much makeup, and still looks pretty without, or even prettier. Someone who can tie their hair back and show off their face. someone I can sit and talk to for hours about random stuff, like favorite fruit, pineapples, tv, phones, grass, the shape of the clouds, the moon, anything. Someone that's chill. Isn't confined to her cell phone. Doesn't mind just lying in the grass and talking. and Asian.
I guess to narrow it down: cute, has a hobby, chill, likes new things, easy to talk to, not too much make up, asian, not too tall. sick. Now to fix the gdlm part.
Girls seriously do not like me. Every single time, it just gets to a certain point, so close, and then bam. Just all gone. Like none of it ever happened, like it was all just a dream. Every single time. So annoying. Just some bad luck in the wind. Next time for sure!
Hah I lied. I am really tired. Tired as balls. It's only when I'm really tired I write a whole bunch of random shit and get all dramatic and emotional. Sorry people. I'm really not like this lol. I think the last few blogs have been really..uh sad or depressing. I've just been really tired these past few days.
Is this a really long blog? I don't really know.
I am so down to go golf or something. Maybe in a couple weeks.
Nicole Simorangkir, you are crazy. Just remember.. It was also fun seeing you this past weekend and hanging out with you. When you and Cassidy come down whenever it is you guys do, we'll have a little fiesta.
I'm kinda looking forward to drill. We have to do good this year. If we don't get first I'm gonna cry. NHS stuff is getting really busy.
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