Oh god..

Today was a decent day. Overslept fifteen minutes. haha familiar. left my house in a hurry. got a little impatient. turned on the "Old Crazy Asian Driving, 'Oh, is that a challenge?', Jon" to try and get to class on time. Started weaving through traffic..so far so good. I'm still pretty pro at that. hit about 75-80 then i merged on to the 215 southbound towards Riverside. Number 1 lane was clear so switched into that lane and vroom..hit 100 saw a cop so started slowing down..was at around 90-95 when he pulled up behind me.. siren goes off. fuck. exited on barton. got a speeding ticket.

ended up being 20 minutes late. missed a good portion of the most important lecture of the course. Well its not too bad..i can just review the notes talk to some people ask my TA. went to Nathaniel's house. rock band. boba. inland. fun fun fun. oh and best buy lol. played around on the drums and guitars and stuff. chill day. came home. read for an hour. practiced violin for three hours..ate dinner..about to go to sleep. then BAM.

huge argument. my licence has been expired for a week. i was driving illegally when i was cited for speeding.. oh he also cited me for having my tint too dark..what a fag. anyways.started freaking out. going to dmv tomorrow at 7:30 to beat the crowd. 11:30 now i go to my room. turn off my lights. good night world. not.

my dad barges in, "공부 안해?!" (Aren't you going to study/why aren't you studying?" blah blah blah..whatever..i hear this everyday.. then he says, no computer except for homework, no video games, and no dramas on the computer and no TV.. sad to let him know but i rarely play video games. i never watch television, i dont need the computer for anything else except homework because i have my ipod, and i dont have time to watch dramas..

sigh tells me how much he knows his son. he should think of a better punishment! it just makes me feel more rebellious and badass. anyways. story of my life. and an hour ago he was telling me how prous he was of me. that he doesn't care if i try to go professional with violin and all this grand stuff. he's so bipolar. i hate that.

i wish i could be a better son. i feel bad for him. he cares more about my life than i do. he's trying to live two lives. he can't. he just needs to admit that i'm more like mom and not him and that i can't study as well as he can. i may be smart but that's not really who i am. i just wish he understood me.

but i need to own up for messing up big. should have turned in the licence renewal long time ago. but my dad lost it and gave it back just three weeks ago. still no excuse though.

i need to more responsible, mature, and careful. my three goals for this summer.

haha he wants me to do a practice SAT test in two hours..impossible. he needs to learn that it doesnt help to do section by section at my level anymore. i need to build endurance and quick thinking. whatever. i was planning on doing it friday morning. i feel like messing up my life sometimes just to make him miserable. but he's not worth that much trouble. i'd rather just not associate with him later..ugh but my grandmother...hmmm

feeling nervous/scared/frustrated/excited right now. my mind is scrambling.
aight

peace