361

This week...
This weekend sent me back into the past. Filled with regret. Felt good to get it out. But its got me thinking again. But I'm getting over it. Good. Good job Jon.
Didn't sleep at all Monday night. Two hours on Tuesday.
Passed out last night on my bed doing hw.

I would talk about what's been troubling me this week on here..but I promised not to tell anyone to my father.. And I take promises very seriously.. Even though I break them here and there. I make my best effort to keep them.. And I just feel so guilty.. growing I was told to never break a promise.. And I had been doing pretty good. But recently I don't know whats the matter with me. I feel like a different person has just taken over. Like an alter ego. He's just so much darker.

But betrayal sucks. Especially from someone so close. Your own brother.
How tragic.. I don't know how you can forgive him for all that. You have all
my respect. And I apologize for being such a bad son.

Family.. I wish my family was close. I hated the holidays because I knew that while everyone else was having a good time, even if they weren't that well off, they would have a good time with their families, I would just be at home. Just like any other day.

Thank you blogger for continuing to eat my shit. Day after day after day.

mmmmm as I wait for my food..

I have so much more I want to say..

But not on here.

Laters gee.

Peace.

I think I'll stop at 365

Count down..
Last night was bomb.
Got pretty drunk..
Let out a lot of stuff I had been holding back for years.
Said some things I probably should never have said.
But what's done is done.
I just have to reap my consequences.
I have never been that emotional before ever. Crazy.
Probably because I had been depressed the past couple weeks
and the alcohol just got me going crazy.
Well I feel a bit better after having gotten that stuff out.
But..Ugh All I ever seem to say to you is sorry..
I think I've said that at least a thousand times to you.
Why can't I just move past everything?
Anyways.
Good night
Laters Gees.

Peace.

wtf

I don't know how to describe how I feel.
This week has just been really weird.
Went extremely fast for me though.
My emotions have just gone on a roller coaster.
I blame it to my lack of sleep.
Not sleeping does a lot of weird things to your mind.
You forget stuff.
You don't realize what you say or do.
Everything feels like a dream.
And when you dream, you can't tell what's real.
Being stuck between dreams and reality.
That's how I feel.
I find it hard to fall asleep.
I need to change this about me.
I think if I got more sleep I wouldn't have to smoke as much either.
Because then I wouldn't feel so tired or sad.
Looking forward to this weekend sort of.
Snowboarding is the only thing I really have planned.
Climb, Basketball, Swap Meet, Compassio tomorrow.
Saturday: Worship, Sleep.
Sunday: Homework.
Monday: Snowboarding! hopefully.
I really wish I continued with piano instead of violin.
I want my hair to grow back lol.
Being DI was actually pretty fun today.
I've been really weird lately.
I'm going crazy.
Ok.
Laters gee.
Peace.

A hoy

Today was absolute trash..
Although last night was freaking awesome..
Had a really deep talk with Ronan and Aaron.
Got just a few hours of sleep.
I really don't know how to describe how I feel right now.
But one thing for sure is disappointment and anger at the fact
that I'm still letting something like that bothering.
I need to move on. Why do I make it so hard for myself?
Drill..hmmmm.
Yeah.
I just need to let some steam off..couldn't go climbing because I had to study for math..
So well here you go blogger. Eat my shit. Literally.
Make me feel better because I have no one else to talk to right now or to confide in.
I really should get a psychologist or therapist or something.
I feel like I'm losing a grip on my life and reality right now.
hmmmm..
Well this is the last time. Hopefully.

Laters gee

Peace

Oh PUC

You were good to me. But bad. Your food gave me indigestion. But it tasted good.
Giunis was amazing.. I would go up north just for those sandwiches. omg. Orgasm.
The trip was alright I guess. I had fun. Even though it was really boring most of
the times.. the night times were the best. I'm gonna miss you Justin.
Good talks.
Snow Globe. Enough said.
I don't even know why I keep writing on here.
Probably because I have no one else to talk to.
No one understands me like you blogger because you're me.
Will probably never step foot on that campus again.
Hopefully I don't end up going there.
There's one thing I need to set straight before the end of the year though.
I should probably do it soon.
ugh I hate this feeling of going to school the next day after coming back from a good trip.. like vacation, choir tour, havasu, anything.
Chilled with Greg afterwards. at In-n-Out.
then in my car. the usual..
hmmm.
Every time I go on here, it just makes me realize all the things I don't have.
I think I'm going to stop.
But I need an outlet for all my frustrations and everything..hmmm..
The trade-offs..
Going to Thresh tomorrow..
Need to cool off..
Fuck college english..
Thank you Muse for being my saving grace.

And Thank You Jesus for always being with me even when I fall all the time. I thank you so much for never giving up on me and continuing to bless me with life everyday. Please keep my father strong as he is really sick right now. And I understand that I can't have everything. Thank you again for everything. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

hmmm...
I hate feeling like this.. I really do. I am so pathetic. I really am. I am the worst of them all. THE absolute WORST.
I hate myself.
No I don't. I love myself. Just some parts I hate a lot. A lot. I wish I could cut that part away. Excise that part. But then I wouldn't be whole and I would just be a piece and a lie.
omg I am going crazy. Someone save me. Why am I like this?
eff.
GOing to sleep. Now.

Laters gees.
Hopefully the last time. Ever.
At least until something I've been waiting for to happen happens.
Peace.

Today

Ugh.

Depressing.

Laters.

Peace.

Can't Believe

I can't believe you still remembered that haha. Even I forgot about it until you reminded me.
Dang.

Drill was pretty good. Made up two more moves.
Pro musica is such a bore.
I really miss last year's.

Cutting down a lot.
Yay me.
So hard though.

Love my thresh homies. Had fun chilling with you guys tonight. I miss these days. We need to hang more.

Got in a good work out and good climbing session. Going to rest tomorrow for Friday!
It's gonna be interesting.

Laters Gee

Peace.

Walk Tall

It was nice talking to Justin today lol.
Never thought we'd become closer.
Just gotta keep your head up man!
Change your attitude.

Today was alright I guess.
Whatever.
Nothing happened.
Just another day.
Basketball game almost gave me a heartattack.
The girls was boring but the guys was freaking intense.
My car is being gay. Engine is messed up.
Hopefully its nothing serious.
Just sketched about driving like this though.
Starting to get sick again..eff.

Idk what makes me have these crazy thoughts.
I'm getting some bad juju.. I feel like something bad is about to happen
in the next couple weeks. I hope I'm wrong.

I wish text messaging was never invented.
And facebook was never invented.
I think then that we would all be much happier.

I'm praying that my car blows up. So that I'll be able to get a new one in a few months.
Please. haha. joke. but I really want a new car.

I need friends. lol. So sad at school.

Scared for class night.. Is anyone gonna try out for anything?

I don't get why I sit on the computer wasting time..
Need to fix that.

Haven't done numbers in forever. lol. Here we go.

1. Your mom needs to chill out. forreal

2. Sorry for flaking today.

3. I don't think I'll ever understand you. Maybe I'm not meant to.

4. We need to talk more niggah.

Laters gee

Peace.