Status Quo

Man my life has been so chill the last two months. School is super easy. Don't have to spend too much time. I have a lot of stuff going on but I don't feel as pressured. Just the fact that I don't have to study for the SAT I Reasoning Test anymore makes me feel happy. Although I'm probably even more busy then I was before it doesn't feel like it. I get everything done and things just seem more efficient. I hVe to study for three SAT II Subject Tests: Biology M Section, Math Level 2C, and U.S. History. Not too worried about any of those. I have to apply to like five summer programs but I'm not stressed. String festival recital concerts etc but I'm not scared. Nothing can get me offthis emotional high that I have. It's better than being high. I've never been so happy or carefree before. I just have this feeling that everything is going to workout. That my life is just on auto cruise for now. Feels good. It's not from bible camp I've had it before that but I think bible camp has made it even stronger. So someone asked me why I don't go for ... My answer is I'm not sure. It feels like I kinds do like her but not really. Like after a few days ago. And we've started talking more often now. Well we'll see what happens. But I'm content with my life right now, why would I want to complicate it with a relationship that's been broken and mended countless times. I'd much rather be friends and I think she does too. Actually if you look at our relationship it's like a freaking Korean drama or something. Hah I should make a movie or write a book on it.

Praise band practice was good tonight. We're actually pretty decent. I learned to play the bass! It was pretty easy. Our week of prayer is gonna be bomb. Something happened this year to our class. We just seem more into things and better. Can't wait for banquet. It's gonna be bomb.

1. I don't know where Barton Rd. is.. Omg you guys are so lame. You guys are also the slowest drivers ever. It's also kind of like you wanted to get lost. Whatever..man you always make me waste gas.

2. Thanks. You're amazing at drums.

3. lolololololololol just thought of you.

4. Wow your so good at everything!

5. You're so gay

aight peace everyone.

So hungers..

Today was a pretty baller day. Except for at threshold. God I'm starting to hate that place. Well it was totally my fault but still. Let's avoid a scene shall we? Praise band practice was pretty good. The reunion was awesome. Hah I just noticed that I hung out with you the whole time. How strange.

1. You...lololol I seriously don't know what to do.

2. You're gay.

Argh...

I absolutely hate chem..praise band practice was really frustrating...I should get more serious. But I gave up around 5. Tomorrow it will be better...sigh don't know what else to say. Michelle don't stress about it too much. Just do your best and everything will follow through. Well off to finish my hw...peace

Wed-nes-day

Life is just a game. Only one chance. Gotta make the best of it. As I was reflecting on my life for the past two hours I came to a conclusion that I am headed towards ultimate failure. I have no motivation to do anything. I'm selfish try to control everything and manipulate everyone to do things in my favor. I guess I could run a gang or something but don't really want to do that. My goals in life and my pursuits don't match up with my personality. I never do my homework but somehow I manage a 4.0 or close to it every year. I never study for tests and I rarely get lower than a A-. The amount of effort I put into school is ridiculous. My lifestyle reflects that of a dropout. My attitude reflects that of a failure. But why am I given all these opportunities? Why do I still have good grades? That's one thing I just can't understand. But don't get me wrong. I've been really happy these past few months. They have been a blast. Doing whatever I want. But I need to get serious and focus on the future. What is in store for me? What am I supposed to do after all this? What's the point? I'm filled with questions with no answers. Never should have gone down that path. I wasn't like this before. To me now, only a few things matter. Me and my friends. That's it. Nothing more nothing less. Life is just a game. It's a beautiful lie. A perfect denial what a beautiful lie to believe in. Enough depressing introspective thoughts.

1. Haha I've seriously missed you in my life. Where have you been man? We both kind of helped each other up when we were down.

2. Lol dumbass.

3. I need a base guitar. Noo it's bass.

Eh that's it. What would you do? I need a lot of money fast. Once I do. Start messing around with stocks and buisinesses. Gain some power in the world.

I don't know if I do or if I don't. I feel it's just a waste of time but then again what isn't? What is worth my time? Ever thought of that? Is what I'm doing really worth my time and effort? Are the end benefits, if any, better then he input of my time and effort? Food for thought. Is life worth it? I definitely think so. It's free. It's fun. Can be stressful and depressing but it's how you make it out to be. It's a big clay ball. You shape it the way you want to and dont let anyone criticize your masterpiece. And mine right now looks like a big messy lump. But I had fun making it. And I don't regret it one bit. I'm out.

Peace

Another week has been laid to waste

Mann I am so tired. My abs are sore from yesterdays workout. Officers meeting was good. Sponsors are happy, yay. Concert was ok. Not that great. At least we didn't fail as hard as I thought we would. Well I finally got a job! Thank you ms. Philips. Well good night. I'm barely staying awake to brush my teeth.

Peace

Bible Camp pt.2

Okk sooo...Bible camp was really really really good. I didn't realize how much of a difference there was until I woke up this morning. Realizing that I won't see my family group again, worship with all the people again, not be able to listen to Pastor Tim speak again, laugh together, smile together, and be immersed in all the love. Started off a little weird. Mostly my fault. I went up as a skeptic of the whole experience. But it was only when I just truly left everything behind when I felt Jesus. I made the decision to just focus only on Jesus. Just like climbing, you have to be able to put everything behind you, all the past attempts you've made, all the tips you've heard, everything, nothing matters except for that one move you're about to make. That's all that matters. And the one move I had to make on this problem was a dyno toward Jesus leaving my self behind and not being afraid to fall. Once I focused it became so much more enjoyable. My family group seemed different, the whole place just seemed different. I believe God really answered my prayer from the first night. We had a popcorn prayer and the one word I said was "Lead". I believe he led all of us, as a group, individuals and as a family closer to Him and realizing who He really is. I think that was Heaven on earth. And I can't wait for the real Heaven. I'm definitely going up again next year. Hopefully as a leader. I can't wait to share this with the new people next year and make a good family group.

Bible Camp

That was the most legit thing ever. Hella tired but that was an awesome experience. Definitely going back up next year as a leader. More details later. Just too tired right to think or write. Peace

20 January 2010

Sad day. Bad weather. Good lunch. Bible camp tomorrow. Yay. Pray for the Pham family. Thank you. Good bye.

Hakrieh

Had a fun time at Nate's today. Even though we got sidetracked a lot we got stuff done and we had fun.

1. Shit man you just screw yourself over. I'm kinda sorry for you but not really. Just grow up.

2. I hope it went over well with your parents.

3. Thanks for your hospitality and assistance.

4. I miss you tons. Hopefully this summer.

5. Lol we'll drink together again. And this time I'll be legal. The flavor of alcohol is gone without you.. Hahaha I miss you too.

Monday

Really boring.
Went to Garden Grove.
Met my dad's friend. Ate lunch/dinner with her. I love free food don't you?
Lesson. blah blah blah..
Bloody nose again this morning.
Someone save me from this boredom...

Man the days just seem to get worse

Today woke up at 9 with a bloody nose..no big deal. Just clean it up wash my face and nose. But nooooo it doesn't stop. Just keeps bleeding and bleeding. Finally stopped only to start bleeding again in five minutes..that was my whole morning and afternoon until like 2:30. I swear I've never lost so much blood. I almost passed out. I was really lightheaded couldn't stand up without a rush of blood to the head. Couldn't think. I just went to sleep. Woke up around 5 then wasted my time.. The past three days have just been terrible..well yesterday was pretty good I guess. Well actually they've all been pretty good. Im just focusing on only the bad parts..come on Jon I thought I moved past that negativity. I had fun with my friends. Found out that there are other douches in the world some even bigger douchebags than me. But it was fun nevertheless. Can't wait for Bible Camp! :)

1. I'm sure it doesn't look that bad. You always look good :)

2. You're a dumbass. Seriously. Idk what's In your head. And really? You disappoint me. I thought you were better than that. I thought you weren't like that. Let's just hope it's not true and it's something else. And even if it is you're being really dumb.

3. You're doing it with us. No matter what.

4. Sorry I flaked yesterday. I'm sorry.

5. You're one of the coolest guys ever. We need to hang out more. Like back in Jr. High and earlier this year.

What a little fuck.

Better watch your ass mother fucker. You're in deep shit bitch. If I hear one more thing. Your fucking done. Fucking douche at Threshold. I'll beat your ass next time.

It's over now

Finals week is finally over! Well almost but pretty much. It didn't even feel like finals week. Worked out for like an hour and I'm so sore now. You're idk. I don't know what to say or how to describe this. whatever. Aight peace.

Por qué?

Why do tuesdays suck so much? Sigh...
Well some goods and bads..

good:
went climbing
she replied
I can still do vibrato
violin is awesome

bad:
no gas
no more 3- or the 3+ or the 3 and the 4 in that one wall at threshold. Oh and the yellow 1 for Michelle..
10 o'clock rehearsals starting now
we suck
almost hit a cat and a opposum in one day
skunk in my neighborhood
no money
still didn't get that 2+
something happened. I'm stupid. Hope we can fix this

good night. peace
fucking dead tired

Noo

I really don't want to play for special music.

Well I'm working on the Bach partita no. 2 in D minor chaconne. Very challenging to shape and phrase admist all the chords and weird intervals and themes. But it is a wonderful piece of music. A little difficult to understand if you don't listen to classical music. Please don't deter me from practicing that. I will perfect it in a few months. I've been working on it all alone. No help. No lessons. Just solely Bach and me and my interpretation. Will probably go in my CD. K goodbyes.

Peace

Ahhhh yes

I don't remember if I blogged about yesterday but if I did here it is in more detail:
went to Viviens house at 8. For her dads birthday party. It was chill. Stayed for like 20 minutes..talked. Then left for Jaimes party. Didn't plan on going but Nicole and vivien wanted to go and it was nicoles last day so just for her. Mmmm it was lamesauce haha. Left and went to nicks. Took some pictures in the park then went to viviens house again. Stayed in the car with Nicole while vivien went pee pee..then a really frustratig conversation. Oh man vivien haha you have no idea how crazy you were. Went back to Jaime's. Chilled for a bit. Danced for like half a song. Said goodbyes and left. Sunday detention sucked balls. Darn I should have stopped by this morning but oh well. Too late. I thought you guys would be busy and stuff.. Watched (500) Days of Summer at home. I love that movie. I totally get both of them. I love it. I agree with summer on how she's doesn't want to be involved in a relationship and whatever. Blah blah blah. It was a good movie. Went to threshold for a few hours. Michelle came for like an hour and a half. Stay strong. You'll get it. Left. Greg came a little later. Stayed till closing and put the mats away haha I felt cool...

Everyone is doing this..well the three people who still blog, me Chandler and Michelle lol:

1. That was fun we should do it again. Just brought back old memories lol. Nostalgia.

2. I ask you because people used to do that to me and it bugged me. So I just wanted you to feel that annoyance. So you'll stop the bullying when you see it. Like every girl that I talked to people would be like oh so you guys have a thing? It's like why can't I just talk to my friends without the suspicion or gossip you know? Just know that I'm kidding and not being serious when I ask you those types of questions.

3. We'll get there. Just give us a few months.

4. I'm sorry I had no clue you were like that. Just know that people care about you and that you have friends who will support you and we have your back. Girls are just too much trouble. Don't worry about it. If she's treatig you like this then just move on. You can get better.

5. CPK! :) finally. We should hang out more man. I only see you at school.

Goodbyes everyone.

Peace

Sunday

Sunday detention is awesome. I can tell this is gonna be a long day..

NICOLE SIMORANGKIR have a safe trip back!

Ehhh

Today was kinda gay... I didn't like it too much..well I got to hang out with Nicole and vivien. That was pretty fun. Lololololololol. James party was ehh ok.. Didn't plan on going but I was out of the house so whatever. Went twice haha. I hate my dad. Umm yeah. I dunno. I'm knda pissed. Whatever. I don't know what else to say. Sunday detention tomorrow then climbing. Michelle you can do it! I believe in you.

I need a lot of money. Mission trip, tour, banquet, campout, Korea during the summer, and maybe summer school. I need to pay for aloof them around the same time..I need to fundraise. Market night. Michelle and I will be singing. And feel free to donate any cans or bottles. Or even cash. mmmmm yeah...alrightee good night everyone.

Mang

Threshold on Friday is a mess. I like climbing with my feet. I feel at one with the rock.

Peace

Hello

Today was decent. Nothing really happened.. Oh we finally had a full team at practice! That felt good. mmmm been listening to Sigur Rôs for the past hour or so. I love them. Downloaded (500) Days of Summer for my iPod but it doesn't work..no wonder it was 1.7 gb. It's formatted for a larger screen. Well at least now I'll watch it on my TV. Well god night everyone!

Peace

Frustrated

I would write another poem but I'm not feeling very lyrical at the moment.

Need to get better. Gotta climb harder. Can't ease up. Can't back down. Gotta face this head on.

Peace

I hate today

Came home from orchestra. Made some fried rice it was pretty good. I love eating late I feel so badass. Went to my room. Looked at my desk to find rotten avocados that I got about a month ago. I forgot that they were there. Now there's fungus al over my desk and papers and smells bad...I threw it out and cleaned it up but still..it's really gross. Never using that desk again. Today sucks. I actually thought today was going to be a good Tuesday but orchestra practice and the rotten avocados just ruined it. I hate Tuesdays. We should skip them. FML. I think I already wrote about how much I hate Tuesdays a couple months ago but today only made me hate them even more. And I still have homework to do. First period optionals orchestra get home at 10 es no bueno. I'm tired. Let's hope tomorrow is better.

Tuesdays

I really don't like Tuesdays. But now the week is half over! Officer meeting was ok I guess. I'm getting pretty stoked about banquet. I think it'll be one of the best ever. We just need to work hard. School sucks. A lot. I need gas. I'm feeling very tired. See you guys tomorrow.

Peace

Jsieidklaln

First day back... So tired hahaha. Not used to waking up so early. Well I have first period tomrrow to look forward to. Yay... Lol Shasta. Idk where you get all this nonsense but it's amusing. I missed you haha. Should have hung out more. Oh and thank you for the baller shirt Alexa. Matt zabala..man where were you during break? And Nick.. Dude I've missed you guys.

My grades are dropping. Sad thing is I don't really care. I know I can get an A I'm tired of trying and studying. Well not that I've ever put much effort into school. I think I have like all A and one or two A-...really frustrating.

Haha I honestly missed you. We don't even talk much anymore. We were so chill man what happened? Tomorrow!

I love Hannah kwon. And Desiree and Candice and Jason paulyna heiba tanner Allyson Kevin steven funny fun fun.

And she replied. So happy :) this made my sad tired day into a happy lively one. For that moment.

Random moment durig drill:
"guess what song I'm listening to!"
"... You're gay."
"wow! Jon! How did you know? Omg!"
made me laugh.

La la la

Can't go to sleep right now.. Listening to this random folk/country song. It's really weird. I didn't even know I had this song in my lbrary. Been thinking about some stuff. Life. Future. Me. Family. God. School. People. Secnd blog today.

I feel so weak. Why can't I just speak my mind? The pressure is killing me. I don't know what to do. It's just a tiny scratch that became infected and now it's either I amputate or die. Give up myself and what I truly want or cut off a connection and part of me for my greater good. Should I be selfish? What am I supposed to do? Sigh.

Where are You? Please help me. I gave up my future for you. Please show me something a sign at bible conference.

This is all so frustrating. Why is it like this? Just leave me alone I don't want any of this. Why can't I just do what I want instead of living my life for others the whole time. Being judged. Being held in high expectation. So much pressure. I just want my dream. Please just one thing I'm askng for. Just one thing. It's not much but it would mean the world to me. You guys are all so cruel in your amnesty. Such irony. Oh how is life.

Just gotta weather the storm. I'll do it. I just need to believe in myself and keep my determination. I won't let anything stop me. Ambition is a virtue. Give me the strength.

Gah last day of break

Today's the last day.. And back to reality and the monotony of school. But I have to say this winter break was really fun. Infinitely better than last year. I'm so glad I started climbing. I had fun this break meeting new people hangng out with Greg and co and Michelle and Omar. oh and Shasta. Well now I can start lookig at 3's and working on some of them. I need to practice my violin and watch (500) Days of Summer. And that other movie you were talking about the uninvented or something.. My feet smell really bad from climbing. I've washed them like a billion times but the smell just gets covered but doesn't go away. Let's leave this town behind and run to the hills. Live a new life where we rule. I'm getting tired of this life. Mmmm...for some reason I kind of want school now. Just a little. I need money, food, gas. Oh and I just wanted to say that I finally unlocked Dragon Soul in dragon quest viii for the ps2. For those of you that care..it just shows that I have no life. I really hope I didn't have homework.

TFx

Peace.

Nice

Dang church was so boring today I thought I was going to die. And damn I hate freshmen. They need to learn their place. Inland center after then bouldering. Was pretty bomb. Had a bunch of people there today. Like six. Dang. Team flux. Michelle you need to catch up. I freaking mantled on a 3- today..so frustrating couldn't top out because I had no feet. Almost had the red 2 in the cave. Sooo close. I just need one more hold and that's it. CPK and realized how broke I am. That was pretty fun. I love meeting new people. Krista and Risha hello. Droven lol. Ran into some cops again. Pretty scary. Almost pissed my pants. Some checkpoint and needed to see my license and Greg was in the car. And I can't drive people yet. Oooohh man so scared. Watched 5 minutes of (500) days of summer. Went outside to find my car tped. I'm pretty sure it's you Michelle. There's no one else that knew that I was at gregs house. And the fact that only me and gregs cars were tped meant it was our friends. Also you were staying just 5 minutes away. So I'm sorry the logical conclusion is you. You claim to not know anything about it but you can't lie out of this one. And also there were exactly two rolls of toilet paper meant for just two cars. Yeah no one else knew that I was at his house cept for you and max. Well whatever. I'll let it slide. And don't bs about gym night.

Peace.

New Years

Wow that year went really fast. 09 for me was ok I guess. Actually I loved it.

Well here are some resolutions for the new year. They're not going to be anything outlandish or impossible just somethings that will chalenge me to stay true to them:

1. Find what I truly want in life and decide whether it is practical or not.

2. Be a nicer and safer driver and make less illegal moves and observe the speed limit.

3. Be able to climb V8 and up

4. Focus in school

5. Find Jesus.

6. Keep my anniversary. Michelle you know what I'm talking about. What was it like 10/19 or somethig like that?

7. Be able to take off my shirt so that I can focus when I climb those 8's.

8. Eat and stay healthy.

9. Not be a douchebag

10. Make my family proud.

Well there's ten for the new year of 2010!!!
Can't wait to fucking climb tomorrow. I'm pretty well rested, hands are healing up, and more determined than ever. I now know how much I love climbing. It's something that poses a challenge for me everytime I step into that room. I've been tired of being given easy problems and have been slacking off especially in school. But this is totally different. It pushes me to try harder and when I fail it only makes the fire bigger. It only fuels my drive to excel at this sport.

I can't play my violin anymore. I'm really sad. I just can't anymore.

설명 할수가없어.. 넌 진짜 이상한애야. 두고보자, 뭐가 어떢해 되는지.

Well happy new year everyone and thank you Schizo for wishing me a happy new year from Hungary. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and enjoyed yourselves.