Sunday, January 3, 2010

La la la

Can't go to sleep right now.. Listening to this random folk/country song. It's really weird. I didn't even know I had this song in my lbrary. Been thinking about some stuff. Life. Future. Me. Family. God. School. People. Secnd blog today.

I feel so weak. Why can't I just speak my mind? The pressure is killing me. I don't know what to do. It's just a tiny scratch that became infected and now it's either I amputate or die. Give up myself and what I truly want or cut off a connection and part of me for my greater good. Should I be selfish? What am I supposed to do? Sigh.

Where are You? Please help me. I gave up my future for you. Please show me something a sign at bible conference.

This is all so frustrating. Why is it like this? Just leave me alone I don't want any of this. Why can't I just do what I want instead of living my life for others the whole time. Being judged. Being held in high expectation. So much pressure. I just want my dream. Please just one thing I'm askng for. Just one thing. It's not much but it would mean the world to me. You guys are all so cruel in your amnesty. Such irony. Oh how is life.

Just gotta weather the storm. I'll do it. I just need to believe in myself and keep my determination. I won't let anything stop me. Ambition is a virtue. Give me the strength.

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